The beautiful thing about being a twenty-first-century woman is choices. You get to choose what you do for a living, how much money you earn, and who you’ll marry. Despite all these choices, far too many of us are living by default.
We get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, and go to sleep. Rinse. Repeat. Before long, decades have flown by, and you and the woman you dreamt up have parted ways without so much as an afterthought.
Then life intervenes — a job loss, a divorce, the death or illness of a parent — and suddenly, life becomes one big question mark.
How do you become reacquainted with the unapologetic, fearless female you envisioned?
At first inspection, the concept of becoming the woman you want to be will have you burning your bra and doing fist pumps. There’s an assumption that this process is a hop, skip, and jump down the proverbial yellow brick road. However, as someone currently entangled in this endeavor, be forewarned this is a messy and arduous process — one in which you’ll find friends, family members, and romantic partners falling by the wayside.
If you’re ill-prepared for this journey, you’ll quickly find yourself right back where you started. Below are three things getting in the way of your level-up and strategies for pushing past them.
1. You can’t spot her out in a crowd. Sure, you’ve caught glimpses of your badass self on occasion. But have you ever sat down and mapped out in detail what your ideal self looks like? Often, we come up empty after attaining a goal we anticipated would make us happy because the objectives we set for ourselves are based more on the expectations of others than our needs and desires. We get the dream job, the amazing husband, or the luxury house and ride the subsequent emotional high only to realize it was a temporary fix.
Having a clear picture of the woman you wish to become ensures your goals align with your desires and helps you chart your progress. More importantly, a detailed vision will encourage you to stay the course on days you want to throw the covers over your head and stay in bed.
Action step: A fun exercise for determining the life you want to lead is to create a character in your head and write out a script that details a day in her life. You might include her morning routine, projects, the people she spent time with throughout the day, and even the outfit she wore.
2. You’ve got a sweet spot for junk food. You may be wondering what food has to do with who you are as a woman, but let me explain. When you overindulge in foods high in sugar, sodium, and other highly addictive chemicals, it affects your energy level and ability to think clearly. If you’ve ever experienced a caffeine crash or a sluggish feeling after you’ve had a plate of pasta, then I’m sure you can identify with this. Furthermore, what we eat also impacts how our bodies look and how we feel about ourselves. We’re less inclined to take risks if we don’t feel confident in our appearance.
Action step: For the next seven days, keep a food journal and write down everything you ate and how you felt afterward. Pay attention if you find yourself reaching for a cup of coffee or a Snickers bar after lunch. Then start researching healthier alternatives. Instead of potato chips, grab some baby carrots and hummus, or opt for a bowl of steel-cut oatmeal with fruit versus a doughnut to satisfy your sugar cravings.
3. You have analysis paralysis. Have you ever found yourself struggling to move forward on a project? You’ve done hours of research, yet still, you find yourself stuck in limbo. If this is the case, you may have analysis paralysis. In other words, you’re overthinking. It happens to the best of us. We spend so much time thinking about every possible scenario, usually everything that could go wrong, that we stall in making decisions.
When I started my freelance writing business, the best advice I received was simply this: pull the trigger. There will never be a perfect time to make a move, and the longer you wait, the more likely you’ll talk yourself out of your dream.
Action step: Make a list of all the tasks required to complete a project or accomplish a goal and take action within the next 15 minutes. That may mean calling a prospective client or sponsor, buying a website domain, or paying off a bill. The key is to build enough momentum to get out of your head and start making progress toward your goal.
Becoming the woman you want to be is a challenging feat. To successfully navigate this course, you must be willing to tear up all the rule books and set all the well-worn trails on fire. But to do so, you must decide what you want and the path you’ll take and then fight like hell to get there.
Photo by Lokman Sevim